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Saturday, July 21st, 2007
9:26 am
working today and tomorrow..then it's a break until thrusday and friday! i switched to part-time..i need time to myself. this summers been weird like that, i've just wanted to be alone..a lot. i'm tired of running here and there, i just want a break. the summer's flying by and i want to relax, that's all. i guess part of our big trip out west will be a few night in las vegas did i already mention that? i forget. tomorrow nights the team bonfire and i find myself really really nervous about it, idk why. hm okay not sure why i felt the need to update this but i've got a few hours to kill with nothing to doo

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Sunday, July 8th, 2007
9:50 pm - ioka<3
transformers has infact transformed my life.

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Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
9:04 pm - stop time.
idk anymore. do you ever just not know? things go from good to bad to okay to amazing to dissapointing to inbetween and i just don't know. i get my hopes up so easily, but i have yet to lose them. but i've realized i spent too much time thinking about things that aren't nearly as important as what's to come, and i lose track of time. finals are so close and classes are wrapping up, but i don't feel prepared. i don't feel ready in my new junior seat, with the seniors gone, off to start their lives it feels so close now. SATS and college, it all feels so close and i don't feel ready. i know i've said all along how much i can't wait to move on and leave but i don't want to anymore. i could stay with the way things are right now for longer than is planned. we had a speech today, of all the responsibilities we'll have next year, and following as seniors. seniors. i'm not ready for that. i just want this summer to come and never leave.

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Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007
7:37 pm
"I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to learn our own lessons until we finally understand for ourselves that knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping. And even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

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Saturday, April 28th, 2007
11:02 pm
the last dance of the year was last night, and dances have seemed lame lately but this week i was awaiting this one because of ryan m..not to get confused with any other ryans out there...but he wasnt in yesturday and i found out he was sick. i was devestated, and was talking to alex about it in euro and we came up with an idea of us stopping by his house with soup...no way was my first reaction, like he'd think i was such a loser if i just showed up at his house with soup and he hardly even knows me. but on the way home, i thought about it, and how hes told people i should talk to him and that i never take chances like this and that maybe he'd dig the fact i had the nerve to do something like that. sooo i did it! except alex had a date of her own so i drove up to rochester to get kolbs and we went to ryans house. in the pouring rain and my window wiper FLEW OFF THE CAR. and left a huge scratch on my front window, but i didnt give up and went all the way to his house (which is only 10 min from me) wen we pulled up to his house, his dogs attacked us, but after they went inside it was cool, he came out and smelled amazing even though he was throwing up all day and kolbie did all the talking cause theyr friends and i just stood there and got a hug goodbye and i hope i get to hug him again in the near future:) i hope this is like, an ice breaker and maybe my awkwardness attracted him, or maybe i'm thinking way far in advance but hey, its the thought that counts??

current mood: awake

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Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
7:07 pm - oops

i almost had a side, full on collision today getting off the highway. i was bringing wes home because he lives 2 minutes from me and i felt like being a good person. it was raining and i couldn't see, one side looked clear and i thought the other was, so i started going across the many lanes, when to my left there WAS a car coming, full speed and honked that horn. i stopped suddenly and the car swiped the front end of my bumper but in all the comotion i didn't even realize until after. wes said the car had stopped down the road, but i couldnt see anything and just kept going. if anyone got my liscense, i guess i "fled the scene" which would be an unfortunate phone call home. but i'm just glad i'm okay, wes is okay, and my car only lost some paint. seeing how close we were to a painful, painful crash is insane.

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Sunday, April 15th, 2007
11:18 am
yesturday we went out to celebrate my dads birthday a little late at margaritas. i saw natalie g there, maybe that's why the food tasted horrible. except for my pina coolata. after i babysat josh and shauna until 1:45am when there parents decided to finally come home. "finally" isn't necessary here though, since that's their usual time to stride in. i wouldn't mind if they had cable. josh and shauna are cool though. sometimes i feel like their too cool for me even now. shauna at the age of 4 always asks me if i have a boyfriend,  and matches her outfits better than i do (maybe that's her mom's doing) and josh told me last night he can't wait to play football in highschool, and shauna goes "i do gymnastics" and josh says "yeah youll be the cheerleader"...i was blown away since when i was there age i was a member of the local library's reading time club.  mentoring tomorrow! i'm excited/nervous our group of 7th grade girls aren't going to want anything to do with it, ..but i feel like its my 2 neighbors parents should be worried about.

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Monday, April 9th, 2007
7:55 pm - movie to rent!
marie antoinette. such a good movie, and kirsten dunst is AMAZING. i did a report on marie a while ago though, and i must say fact-wise wikipedia had much more gossipy details of her life but the movie was fun, colorful and made me want to be a friend of marie because they got all the riches and everything fancy like she did, and they saved themselves a head! actually who knows if that's true. the movie didn't show maries tragic death under the gazzetine or whatever, but it wasn't really necessary, and i liked that.
sofia coppola is a great inspiration for any inspiring female directors out there. i used to always want to become one, i still would, but realistically, i'm too lazy, inexperienced and could never pull it off.


current mood: tired

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Friday, April 6th, 2007
12:26 pm - i was an embarassing kid.
went to exeter today to pick up a birthday present, and coming back i was at a red light, just sitting there, doing the usual daydreaming thing, when a car was slowly passing me with this kid sticking his head completely out the window as he drived. but he wasn't the one i was looking at. the person NEXT to him caught my eye, it was an old crush of mine which has lasted practically a decade, for me somehow  this isn't surprising.
i still remember his name, and where he lived. he lived across the street and down a little from where i lived, therefore we shared the same elementary school bus. i remember one incident, and only one where we crossed paths. this was such a humiliating experience, i'm just glad it happened then, rather now. i was sitting on the bus, staring out the window and talking to myself, because the bitch next to me wouldn't, that's why! when i was interupted by laughter, of course one was the bird-nose now prostitute katie sitting next to me, and the other was the beautiful travis. his looks were untouchable, i always wished that every kid woud miss the bus one day, except for him and me, and that we'd be alone on that bus together. 

that didn't happen. instead he joined in on this HILARIOUS event and laughed at me, saying mean things too. yeah, i was bullied by this kid, but that was then. travis is still hott. okay, i only saw him from the car, but from what i saw his face is the same, gorgeous.


current mood: satisfied

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Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
12:01 am - mhm
i always fall for assholes or guys who already have girlssss and obviously are in no need for me.

i need a job and i still need to get my last paycheck which is weeks old now but i don't feel like taking the chance on seeing anyone there. maybe i'll sneak in at like 3am when i know i won't have to see ANYONEE! 

sounds like a plan.


current mood: bored

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Sunday, April 1st, 2007
5:12 pm - but wheres the thin mints!?

samoas, tagalongs and treffoils. they'll be gone by tomorrow.



current mood: hungry

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Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
9:58 pm - tuesday night
tonight i wore my dress i got at target which is very spring-like and since the weathers been so NICE lately tonight felt like summer. dan had called earlier and wanted to go to dinner with people and sasha and i were saying how it would be funny if it ended up just being us and him and what ended up happening!? it was just us but i liked it that way. we were talking about relationships, and i was surprised when he remembered exactly what had happened whiles ago and he seemed to really care and he's such a genuine kid, and i'm glad to know him. and flatbread brownie sundays with chocolate milk are love :)

current mood: pleased

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Sunday, March 11th, 2007
8:44 pm - it's really 10 o'clock

tomorrow i'm starting break off on the right foot, i will SLEEP IN, clean my room, shower and head out! i wanna go to target really badly because i love their commercails and it has always been on my to-do list and yet i'm still a target virgin which is an embarassment so i've been told. but where is it?! i know there's one in somersworth but i'll get lost if i go there. well if i can't find a target i'll hit up the mall i guess but target would be a new place to go to which would be exciting...i already know foxrun inside out and i can even smell the smell of 10 different types of fast food joined in one you must encounter to reach the few good stores. after i do whatever i decide to do, i'll meet sasha somewhere and maybe we'll eat but we will definately go to blockbuster and plan our movies night then pick up some ben n jerrys and crash at my place. 

i'll be home all week so expect many updates :)
and i wish this layout was wider..maybe i'll attempt fixing it



current mood: bored

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Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
6:40 pm

voila.



current mood: awake

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